“Darlene’s Glass Ceiling” Please read with caution!!

Okay, wow. This one is gonna hurt. I knew one day

I would have to listen to my Therapist and go public

with my horror. She said it will make me feel better

and maybe I will get some positive feedback from people

who have gone through what I have lived my whole life.

So here goes……. What I cannot do because of fear or the

inability to do so that is not a physical challenge.

I grew up in a really dysfunctional family. My parents were the

real deal ALCOHOLICS. They always were out partying and getting

into trouble at bars, my dad mostly. He liked to fight when he got

drunk . He also liked to annoy my mother by flirting with other

women. They always had parties at my house so I really never slept.

That is when they were home. They always went away on trips and

left us with the DRUNK BABYSITTERS!! I can honestly

say that being loved or hugged as a child never happened for me.

My parents chose to beat and abuse me as often as they could. I have

been diagnosed with “post traumatic disorder” which has been defined

by the first day my drunk mother pulled me off the school bus by

my hair and called me a Whore and a dumb “B” word. This all infront

of my friends. I then became withdrawn from life. I didn’t do well

in school and never had many friends. I use to sit in the corner of my

room and cry wondering what I did so bad to be treated this way? I

never thought anyone else was going through the same thing as I was.

I felt like a monster and never told anyone because I already have

been treated so poorly why would anyone care anyway? So, I grew

up angry, unable to love or be loved. Never feeling worthy of even

being here on earth. I have been very successful at covering up how

I truly feel. I have a great outer layer that you see. Well dressed.

Always with makeup and looking put together. But, inside

I’m a train wreck. I have been in therapy for years and to this day

I am still feeling the pain of childhood. I will never feel right.

I have overcome a lot though and am riding the 21 days to be

complaint free train. This is not a complaint it is my reality. I have

been fortunate to be on “Ironbrides” TV. They have shown me that

I am a good person and have the ability to be liked by 7 ++ strangers.

That is pretty cool. This show has given me my life back. I don’t think

they know that. I especially want to thank “Tricia” She is one of

the Ironbrides who does know of my pain and has been so helpful

in me overcoming my anxiety attacks and depression. She may not

even know how much she has touched me. She is the Real Deal Guys!!

I never thought someone would know me so raw and still like me.

That is so cool. She is amazing as is all the girls and the directors…

Jeff, The main director of the show who I just have so much respect

for said to me this past Sunday while we were filming “Darlene if I

didn’t know it I would think you have been hitting the bottle already

today.” I laughed and said not yet it isn’t noon. I use my

anxiety in comedy. I get nervous and become a bumbling idiot. I

joke and break out in show toons. Whatever it takes to not feel

weird. I just act it. So, okay Joann, on a better note. There are 3

things I want so desperately to do before I turn 60.

1. I want to figure out this flipping blogging thing so I can put on the

pictures I found that would make all my stories so much more real.

2. I want to open my home s around the world for abused women and there families.

3. I want to be the 1st Ironbride. Yeah baby!!!

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